#6.

1. DENIAL :
This happened while she was in the hospital and just after she went into hospice because she seemed so much better for awhile. It was more that I couldn't reconcile it in my mind, not that I was in denial.

2. ANGER :
Not in the traditional sense. I'm not angry at her for dying or at Heavenly Father for taking her. I have been angry at times that I'm still here, angry at some things I was left with, angry at others, angry at my own stupidity.

3. BARGAINING :
Nope, not applicable. Mama got the better end of the deal. The only way I'd want her back is if she was healthy and whole.

4. DEPRESSION :
Definitely happened.

5. ACCEPTANCE :
Oh, this has been part of it since stage #1. It happened. It sucks for me, it's awesome for her.

All neat and tidy . . . oh, you mean it's not really one-size-fits-all? Somebody better tell that to Kubler-Ross.

{If you've been brave enough to read this far . . . }
Contrary to what you might think after reading through the five stages of grief, this is NOT a pity party. I was originally going to write a "good things" post (and I still might . . . ). Instead, this is about wanting to advocate for a #6 : BEWILDERED. Bewilderment. Befuddled. Gabberflasted.

Cuz that's where I am. I woke up three days ago a teary mess and it hasn't stopped yet. I miss her everyday, that's a given, but is the gut-wrenching, hiccup-inducing, try-not-to-hyperventilate, scaring-the-dog, can't-control-the-need-to-cry sobbing really necessary?