lately

Today's big news . . .

I can't drive it yet thanks to a little "miscommunication" with the mobility place, but thanks to the internet and a cousin's offer of assistance, that will soon be resolved. :)

In other news . . . 

Every day we drive by this house that has poppies growing by the fence and I love them . . . well, then my auntie dearest saw some growing on the hill in her backyard and picked one for me. I'm attempting to press it, but in case it doesn't work, I documented it in all it's glory. 

And lately I've enjoyed the view in the afternoons / evenings . . . so peaceful:

to belong

I haven't written in awhile -- here or in my journal -- but I think I need to for my own sanity. Sometimes I don't know how to reconcile all the blessings I have in my life with all the pain I feel. I miss my mama it's true, but I'm so happy for her to be where she is. What I can't stand is that I don't belong anywhere. I feel like an interloper. And I hate it. I have a wonderful family, but I don't belong to any of them. They have their own traditions, lives, legacies.

It's hard when I'm the only one who remembers certain things or who is affected so much by a certain day or a certain reminder. I really want to belong somewhere -- to a family, a person, something. It's awful to not feel anchored. There's this person inside me that nobody knows that I want to let out, but I don't know how. I truly wish I did. Maybe then the pain wouldn't cut so deep.

{quote via}

adventure

I made it thru my first week at my new job. I really love it. I don't sit there and will the clock to move faster and it's so mellow there compared to the job-so-awful-it-won't-be-named.

I still haven't quite processed the fact that I actually got the job. It amazes me how things have been falling into place lately. After having things be so hard for so long, I almost don't know what to do with myself.

I have an amazing family. The love and support and joy on my behalf has been awesome. My dear Auntie cried when she heard that I got the job. :) I think I was just in shock. :)