It's only temporary

{Disclaimer: this blog is certainly not intended to be a blog all about mama's passing. There have just been some thoughts begging to get out, once and for all. Oh, and sleep isn't easy these days...}

I used to think there was a "better" way to lose someone, i.e., knowing that your loved one is dying vs. having them die suddenly.

Let me just say, that's a bunch of CRAP.

I honestly don't think there's a way to compare the two. No matter which way it happens, it changes your life forever. It's painful. It's gut-wrenching. And for everyone left behind, so completely unfair. When you have a chance to "prepare yourself" I think you lose a bit of your sanity. I certainly felt that way. It was a constant war between not wanting my dear mama to suffer and a near-physical pain at the thought of her being gone. I cannot even begin to imagine the effects of losing a loved one suddenly. Knowing myself, and knowing that trials are individual according to what we can handle, a sudden loss would have sent me completely over the edge.

Now the "Sunday School answers" come into play. While it seems completely unfair to all left behind, I just have to believe it is utterly wonderful to finally be finished with an earthly journey. I'm sure they miss us. I'm sure they want to be with us. I'm sure there's pain at being separated. But we will be together again. And frankly, my mama is in a better position to help me now than she ever could before. Oh, and {from my human perspective} the best part? Mama is free of her broken, pain-filled human body for good. When body and spirit are finally reunited, each will be perfectly perfect. Amazing.

Oh, and Mom? just so you know: I MISS YOU MUCHLY... and there are so many little things I miss: (to name just a few) watching Hallmark movies and JAG reruns. Orange sherbet. Even stepping on stupid little beads. :)

p.s. If you haven't read it yet, The Message by Lance Richardson is a must read.