The last few weeks have been difficult. At first, I thought it was simply the time of year and the memories that come with it, but every day things have gotten heavier and heavier and more of a struggle. Nights have been filled with literal and figurative darkness and strange dreams.
The last three days I have felt like I had no escape whatsoever from the anxiety. It started with a negative interaction with a patron that has just spiraled and spiraled inside my mind and has brought with it a sense of regret that I'm not a better person than I am and that I'm not as kind as I wish to be. Added to that is a deep yearning for my family, for an anchor, and for understanding.
BUT, there is good too:
A phone call from an aunt who understands the sense of loss I feel.
Positive interactions with some of my favorite people.
Listening to the radio WAY too loud in the car.
Simple things like finishing the laundry and doing the dishes.
Ordering new rugs for my bedroom and entryway.
Setting up my snowman collection.
The Apple holiday commercial.
Unexpected compliments.