the beginning... and the end

Ever see those quotes on Pinterest and you're not sure if they're real or not, but you love what it says?

This is one of those. 

I don't know who this person is or where the quote came from, but the words have resonated with me for a long time. Today started out great. I got up early, went to the bank to get a check for my passport fees (yay!) and came home and tried to make my room a nice place to do homework (oh yeah, I should be studying for a metadata quiz right now...) and felt really good about the day. THEN something happened. It wasn't good or bad, but my reaction to it and how I chose to react to my reaction (if that makes sense) taught me something. This life is hard. Trials are hard. There are certain trials in my life I'd give anything (in my limited human understanding) to give up. But these trials have also taught me so much and I'm learning to be myself. Once I calmed down from my not-so-mini meltdown, the day was great. I accomplished a lot. I got to see some of my favorite people (oh, the great aunties I have!) and I got to just waste some time... always needful on the weekend.

I've spent a lot of my life berating myself for not following a "normal" schedule without cutting myself some slack for a few things that were beyond my control. That's slowly changing and I'm realizing that Heavenly Father has a plan. And it's a perfect plan.

Like a broken vessel

Last night as I said my prayers I had the phrase "like a broken vessel" running through my head. I knew it was a talk by Elder Holland from the October conference, but it was one of those talks that hadn't really stuck with me at the time. When I finished my prayers, I decided to look up the talk and read it as my scripture study for the night (hey, the Ensign is considered a form of scripture, right?!). 

There are so many good parts, but this is my favorite:

"Believe in miracles. I have seen so many of them come when every other indication would say that hope was lost. Hope is never lost. If those miracles do not come soon or fully or seemingly at all, remember the Savior’s own anguished example: if the bitter cup does not pass, drink it and be strong, trusting in happier days ahead."

{image via}

blessed, blessed, blessed

I had an experience today. Two experiences actually. The experiences themselves aren't important, but what I realized because of them is so important - I am so, so, so BLESSED. Despite the hardships, trials and pains, I still feel so blessed.

{Deseret Book via Pinterest}

(I love everything about this graphic - the colors, the rain drops, the quote and President Uchtdorf...)

Of course there are things I'd change. Of course there are things I want. But I have so much I could never have imagined having even 18 months ago. And when I look at it like that I cannot help feeling so blessed. Even in the last month conquering a huge fear has brought so much light to my life and led me on a path of healing that I've so needed.

Brave

When Tiz and I started emailing each other almost a year ago, one of the first questions she asked me is if I had a "heart song" - something that really spoke to who I am (like in Happy Feet). At the time I had a really hard time picking one. There were songs I liked listening to because they reminded me of happy times in my life or because they reminded me of the mama, etc., but I really couldn't think of one that really "spoke" to me.

{once again, found the image on Pinterest, but it didn't link back to a likely original source}

Then, I heard "Brave" by Sara Bareilles and realized that that's what I want for my life. I don't know if that qualifies as a heart song or not, but it's definitely mantra-worthy.

And the video for this song is so, so perfect!