the real me

the real me...

feels like the one person who understands me is gone

wishes i could find someone who understands me the same way

wants to be independent more than anything in the world

likes so many different things

is tired of people being surprised when i like something "new"

is tired of putting myself in a box and tired of locking away my soul

wants to travel

wants to fall in love

wants to decorate a house

wants to write a book

wants to find a style that really says who i am

wants to visit the ocean... just sit on the beach and think for hours and hours

(by beach, i mean the washington/oregon beach, not the warm, sandy beach)

feels happiest when it rains

loves my job and wishes i could do it in an archive someday

loves surprising people

would love to blog about something unique and different (i don't know what...)

wants to figure out what makes me truly happy

would go to school forever if i could afford it... MA in history and maybe an MA in English

wants to make a difference

wants to be bright

hiding

I love to hide. Love it. Lock myself in my room and just read or browse or something = pure bliss. The one good thing about winter? Besides Christmas and cheesy Hallmark movies? Coziness perfect for hiding.

I read somewhere a long time ago that our bodies' natural sleep rhythms get all messed up because of artificial lights -- when your body should be winding down for the day it gets confused because all the lights are blazing in the house. Kind of makes sense to me, but I'm no sleep expert (obviously -- I'm the worst sleeper ever).

Tonight I'm trying an experiment. I turned off the light and turned on the nightlight. It's pretty dark, with just a warm spot of light right around the nightstand. I put in my earplugs and crawled under the blanket.

(now I admit that the glow from my laptop is probably ruining the effect...)

I'm not really trying to make myself tired or relax (I don't even know what that word means...), but I did want cozy and undisturbed. Earplugs are a wonder, let me tell you. I resisted for years because I thought they'd be a sensory nightmare, but I love them now... pure quiet. I swear, even my inner monologue is quieter with earplugs!

Here's to solitude, peace and perhaps an early night.

cutest {puppy} face

Over the weekend Dad had to put my baby bear to sleep. I'll admit that I cried like a baby before and after it happened. Through all the moves and the hard times, Pepper has been a constant in my life since I was 13.

Since Mom passed away I have wondered and even prayed that this would happen because I knew that I wasn't in a position to take care of her and I knew that she and Mom would be so happy to see each other. BUT, Heavenly Father in his wisdom kept her around to help me get through the toughest year of my life and also allowed her and my dad to reconnect over the last year. And, honestly, I'm so grateful that I didn't have to see her go downhill or be the one to make that super tough decision.

But, really, have you ever seen a cuter face?