Way to go chica!

This morning mama and I had a talk. Or, more accurately, I talked out loud and hoped she was listening. I just told her everything that's going on in my life and the stupid mess I'm trying to sort out and I told her how much I missed her and why I missed her and how I missed all the little things she used to do...

Over the past month or so I've been noticing a phenomenon. Mostly with one particular auntie since I seem to either talk on the phone with her or email her every day, but it's happened with all of my wonderful aunties. Anyway, I wrote a particular email to this particular auntie last night and got a reply back just now.

Look at the title of this post again. Here's the rest of it... "That was kind of random, but it's what popped into my head, so I went with it." To this auntie it might seem random, but to me it's just a little reminder that the mama is aware of me... it's happened with birthday cards, emails, just in conversation... but all of a sudden the aunties start talking less like aunties and more like the mama. It's neat. I love it.

Oh, by the way, "the mama" is a little joke between Mom and I that comes from this show (and said in the baby's voice too).

good things {making decisions edition}

- remembering to drink lots of water the day before a fast so that you don't feel like crap during said fast

- getting back on track with scripture study

- journals

- patriarchal blessings

- the advice of loved ones

- having prayers answered in unexpected ways (playing hooky from Sunday School does have benefits)

- conference talks . . . see this post.

- being able to vent in emails and not being judged for mini meltdowns :)

- realizing that mini meltdowns aren't helpful

- finally admitting to the "One Who Knew All Along" that you're scared out of your mind

- Mormon Channel radio . . . wow, the song playing right now is so applicable . . . coincidence?

{now if only it was easy to remember all of this all the time . . . especially the part about mini meltdowns not being helpful . . .}

I miss you

Mama,

I really miss you tonight. I miss you always, but tonight is one of those really tough nights where everything's too hard and I just want you to come back. I hate it. It started with an ovarian cancer awareness commercial on TV last night. And those "happy birthday" commercials the American Cancer Society does always really get me.

In 5 days it will be the one year "anniversary" of the first day it all changed. Sometimes I really curse my great memory. Is it really necessary for me to remember crap like that? Pretty soon it will be a year since you've been gone . . . and I really can't imagine it. Sometimes I forget you're gone and think I need to call you because I haven't heard your voice in awhile.

I promise I don't always cry. Today was actually a good day. Watched the new Tyler Perry movie - "Good Deeds" - and of course, thought of you. :) Tried to make cookie bowls - didn't exactly go as planned, but still turned out well.

Are you proud of me? Do you know what's going on my life? I always imagine you with long hair now. Is it long?

The aunties (and the whole fam) did a great job making me feel special on my birthday. You should be proud of them. I was really nervous it would be a terrible day because you wouldn't be there, but I shouldn't have worried at all. I could tell you were there in a bunch of little things that happened. I'm so glad!

Love you muchly . . .

The church and modern tech are wonderful . . .

When I first heard this talk by Elder Scott during the April conference, the main reason it stood out to me is what he says at the beginning in regards to loved ones who've passed on. I cannot tell you how many times I have listened to this talk since conference. I listened to it again today (and cried through the whole thing) because today has been a most difficult day. I have not felt settled since returning from SLC and it feels like every little demon that has ever bothered me has come out to play again. SO . . . for those of us needing answer to prayer (and a reminder that Heavenly Father always answers) . . . and I think all of us do . . . I present the following:

good things {vacation edition}

Needed a little reminder after coming home (in no particular order) . . .

- a surprise party upon arrival

- finishing a semester-long class in three weeks with a decent grade

- overnight in Park City for the first time ever

- happy tear-inducing birthday cards and generosity

- the realization that Mom does little things every day that let me know she loves me

- burrito bowls

- meeting baby Henry

- baby Henry waiting til I got there

- aunties who let me cry whenever I need to

- two trips to Costco

- lack of humidity

- Jane Austen movies

- trips to the library to get books I can't get here

- actually enjoying Relief Society for the first time

- reading above-mentioned books

- the kindness of others

- a million little birthday notes on Facebook

- a three pack of Rocher (and aunties who remember the little things)