The video that made my day {and it will make yours too}

I started reading Dee's blog regularly after coming across her sweatshirt restyle on Pinterest. She posted this gem today and I just had to share . . . I watched it 4 times in a row (yup, I did).

Hope for brighter days

{images, top row: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8; 

bottom row: 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15} via Pinterest

#6.

1. DENIAL :
This happened while she was in the hospital and just after she went into hospice because she seemed so much better for awhile. It was more that I couldn't reconcile it in my mind, not that I was in denial.

2. ANGER :
Not in the traditional sense. I'm not angry at her for dying or at Heavenly Father for taking her. I have been angry at times that I'm still here, angry at some things I was left with, angry at others, angry at my own stupidity.

3. BARGAINING :
Nope, not applicable. Mama got the better end of the deal. The only way I'd want her back is if she was healthy and whole.

4. DEPRESSION :
Definitely happened.

5. ACCEPTANCE :
Oh, this has been part of it since stage #1. It happened. It sucks for me, it's awesome for her.

All neat and tidy . . . oh, you mean it's not really one-size-fits-all? Somebody better tell that to Kubler-Ross.

{If you've been brave enough to read this far . . . }
Contrary to what you might think after reading through the five stages of grief, this is NOT a pity party. I was originally going to write a "good things" post (and I still might . . . ). Instead, this is about wanting to advocate for a #6 : BEWILDERED. Bewilderment. Befuddled. Gabberflasted.

Cuz that's where I am. I woke up three days ago a teary mess and it hasn't stopped yet. I miss her everyday, that's a given, but is the gut-wrenching, hiccup-inducing, try-not-to-hyperventilate, scaring-the-dog, can't-control-the-need-to-cry sobbing really necessary?

I see London {maybe, perhaps, I hope}

{the British Library, via}

Getting ready for grad school has been a little stressful. Most times I can't really believe I'm doing it . . . it still seems like something that's a dream for the future, but in a few short weeks I'll officially be a grad student. Wow.


When I was at BYU-I, I spent a lot of time planning for future semesters - looking at the requirements and figuring out how to meet them and take the classes I wanted when I wanted. For the most part it worked out really well. I was always able to get into the classes I wanted and they were mostly as great as I'd thought they'd be (there was that one exception involving a burning textbook in a Weber grill at the end of the semester, but we won't get into that right now). I have to admit, one of the funnest (yes, I said funnest and it didn't even correct me) parts of this new adventure of mine has been picking out my classes and making a plan. I didn't have to do much for the first semester - everyone takes the same classes the first semester - but considering different plans of study (what type of librarian I want to be) has been really interesting.

In all this planning, I've been doing a lot of research about different career paths, scholarships, etc. I've also come across some blogs about library school and what paths others are choosing and why that I really like. It was one such blog that inspired this post . . . and the fact that sometimes I just need to get everything in my head out once in awhile.

I've had three big dreams in my life:
1. go to graduate school
2. ride on a train (which, despite my careful planning, still hasn't happened)
3. travel, specifically to London

Now, about this blog that inspired this post . . . the newest post was about study abroad programs for graduate students, specifically LIS {library and information science/studies} students. And two of the programs are in London. Both programs are summer sessions - one for two weeks, one for a month offering three and six credits respectively. My first thought was "there is absolutely no way I'd be able to afford it . . .", but of course, I had to research it. And, guess what? If I can afford a summer semester of grad school, I can afford the study abroad program - actually, the study abroad program works out to a better deal than just taking regular classes over the summer and it's in LONDON. I wanna do it!

Of course, I can't just sign up. I have to see how the first year of graduate school goes, talk with an adviser, figure out finances, pray (of course), find a job, and then MAYBE it could be a reality. But, the possibility of birthday #29 in London just sets my heart all aflutter.

Finished and ready to begin

Tonight was the orientation meeting for my grad program. When I first heard that it was going to be done entirely online instead of on-campus, I was a little disappointed because I wanted an excuse to travel and be on campus. However, the frugal side of me (which we all know is deeply ingrained in my psyche), so appreciated the saving of several hundred dollars.

I've never done a meeting online before. It was kind of neat. Sort of like Skype/Facetime, but with 30+ people and the ability to type questions while the presenter was talking. And the ability to carry it with me as I cooked dinner was awesome, I must say.

13 more days.

Oh, and I made some potatoes for dinner tonight that were YUM, if I do say so myself.

good things {hope-full edition}

- I conquered the box

- answered prayers involving my go-to conference talk {at the moment} and a wonderful talk in sacrament meeting

- finding out potentially good news in "Operation: Lexie gets a license"

- satellite radio . . . and a house wired to enjoy it

- the crockpot {most amazing piece of kitchen gadgetry ever}

- Anne of Green Gables {the complete series} playing on BYUtv every Sunday thru September

- finding little notes from the mama in above-mentioned box

- plans for all the mama-related notes and photos I've uncovered {if anyone has any photos they want to contribute, let me know - you'll get them back}

- finding Christmas movies on YouTube {yep}

The paper.

A big box has been living in my tiny closet for the last 6 months . . . well, several boxes. This particular box however, stares at me from the floor of my closet proudly taunting me with its disheveled contents. Daring me conquer it. Seriously, I attempted once to sort through it and gave up. What's in this box, you ask?

During the emotional disaster often referred to as moving, I tried my best to sort through papers, etc. so that I wouldn't have to pack a bunch of . . . crap. Well, despite a valiant effort, this box got the best of me and went into storage as-is. Then in went on a trailer and traveled 1,300 miles as-is because I lacked the emotional fortitude to sort through it in the snow in February. For the past 6 months, I have still not possessed the strength necessary to go through this box. Until yesterday.

Yesterday, the unthinkable happened. The internet went kaput. No job searching. No school-planning. No bill paying. No distractions. Now, had I been living in a house not dominated by humans of the 6-foot plus variety, I might have been able to fix it. But, as it went, I had to wait for the very tall man to come home to reach the router he had placed on the top of the TV cabinet. Eight hours unplugged. Somehow 8 hours unplugged = emotional fortitude for a big scary box.

Said box (which sadly is only about half done) did, in fact, hold a bunch of crap. Missing from the above photo is heap of "no shredding necessary" recyclables and down-right garbage. Said box also held some treasures . . . and more to be found, I hope.

There's a story that goes around in my family about the time I was accused of plagiarism. Behold, THE PAPER that started it all. I was ridiculously happy to find it. I have found other papers in the past that I have re-read and wondered "why in the he-- did I turn this piece of shiz in?" and "what was the professor thinking to give me a good grade on this drivel?" I am happy to say that I can't believe I wrote this paper. It's actually . . . good. I'm shocked. Nearly 8 years later, I'm still happy with it.

So, if you ever wonder about the great depression in Britain, let me know. Meanwhile, I have a box to defeat.