Creedence Clearwater Revival

For obvious reasons the events from last night have been on my mind a lot today. Driving home from the library a Creedence Clearwater Revival song came on the radio. A Creedence song also came on the radio the day I drove to work after meeting Tizzie and Rob for the first time. Creedence was one of the mama's favorites (she had several, but this is the only one that I actually enjoy as well), so when the song came on the radio that day AND today I just felt like she was aware of me and what's happening in my life.

I have a great family. I am so very thankful for them. I was really nervous about last night and the day hadn't started off that great, so having them there was even more amazing. I had fun last night. And I felt OK about myself ("minor" miracle!). I'm still not sure how all of this is supposed to work out, but for last night, I think it was a success.

She did say she wants to come back... :)

demise of the hoodie

Those who know me wouldn't exactly call me a clothes-horse (how's that for a word choice, Auntie?), but there is one thing I really love... hoodies. Not sure why because I rarely (if ever) actually wear the hood part of the hoodie, but I love them. I have an entire board dedicated to them on Pinterest... what else is there to say?

Today I put on my go-to hoodie, the quintessential gray zip hoodie and realized that the zipper was broken. Oh, the horror. Really. Now I have to find a new one. It doesn't necessarily have to be gray, in fact I'd really like an oatmeal colored one, but I need a new go-to hoodie. Preferably a zip up one. If I were into the peplum trend, I'd by this one in a heartbeat because I love everything above the peplum. 

So, tonight after dinner (and after I finished the Relief Society newsletter -- I do have priorities) I began my search. Kohl's, Gap, Old Navy, Anthropologie (and eBay for Anthro I could actually afford), J. Crew, Forever 21, Eddie Bauer, Express (where I found a cute lace one but it looks blasted uncomfortable!), Target... no luck. 

I did find a couple of "tide-me-overs" at Kohl's that would probably work. I could at least wear them to bed, but I'd really like to find at least one that I could wear like this...

{via}

...you know, as part of a real outfit, not just a sloppy "throw it on when I get home" type thing. I also really like this outfit... 

{via}

...even though it's not a hoodie, I might consider it (in addition) if it had the right "comfort factor."

Now, maybe I can sleep :-)

To the mama

I think of the emails we used to send each other or the notes we'd write late at night for the other to discover in the morning. I think of the extra long voicemails you'd leave that would make me frustrated beyond belief. I think of the cute notes you'd put in my lunches in elementary school and the way you would cut my sandwiches into triangles because I thought it was "cool." But mostly I think of how grateful I am to know where you are and to know I will see you again someday. If someone were to ask me what I miss the most about you I'd have to say your voice. I truly miss talking to you and hearing your voice and your laugh.

I'm sorry that I haven't been doing everything I should lately. I've gotten a little sidetracked and I hate it. I want to be better, but it's so hard to get back on track once I've gotten off.

Sometimes I feel like I can see you in my mind. I don't know if it's wishful thinking or a gift of comfort. It's not like I can see what you are doing, but I can see you are happy and I love that. I had a similar feeling when I heard that Uncle Dan had passed away. I hope you guys have gotten to hang out and maybe you're "showing him the ropes" too. For some reason that idea really comforts me. The human part of me really wishes you were here, but I know you are happier there and doing great things.

Lots of great things have been happening lately. I hope you know that. I'm sure you do because I'm sure that some of them were your "fault" - or that you helped bring them about. I love you and miss you.

In memory...

This past Friday my uncle passed away. It wasn't unexpected, but it's still so sad. This is the first time someone close to me has passed away since mama died and it has brought back a lot of memories that are kind of hard to deal with.

My uncle and his family aren't LDS. I'm not exactly sure what their views are on life after death, but the morning he passed away I couldn't get this image out of my head of my grandpa (his dad) just waiting there to meet him. And I just knew that my grandpa was so happy to see him. Part of me hopes that my mom was there too because I know she loves him too. I hope they're friends and get to hang out together sometimes.

For me it has been really comforting for me to picture all my loved ones (Mom, grandma Irene, grandpa Howard and all those I know I love but don't remember) up there watching out for me. Now one more is added to the list. I've been praying constantly that his family would be able to feel him watching over them.

at the start of September

I did something the other day that was quite empowering. I haven't told anyone about it yet, but if something comes of it everyone will know soon enough.

I agonized for days over whether I should do it or not and finally came to the decision (after much prayer) that it was one of those things that I needed to do just because I could. To prove to myself and to Heavenly Father that I could move forward with faith even if I felt like I didn't have a clear answer.

After the rough few days I had last week, I'm happy that I was able to trust myself enough to do that.