changes . . .

{this post has been a few weeks in the writing...}

I was re-reading the post I did on New Years Day and thinking back to how I felt when I wrote it, and I have to say that I'm proud of myself. In all honesty, I had serious doubts about my ability to conquer everything that needed conquering and I wasn't sure I even wanted to conquer any of it without the mama around, but I've made such significant progress.

A month or so ago a co-worker asked me if I was always so "eternally optimistic." I was truly shocked. Me, optimistic? No way. I pretty much told her that no one else would ever describe me that way, especially not my family. Then, at my birthday dinner last week when we got to the part where everybody goes around telling what they love about you, almost everyone said that they loved how optimistic I am. What the heck? Really?

The world has just shifted on it's axis.

The other day I came across this:

It really struck me. And I started wondering if faith and optimism were the same thing. For me, I think optimism is a more nonspecific form of faith. I didn't always have a clear idea of what was supposed to happen or how to do something, but I knew that Heavenly Father would help me achieve the best outcome. I've been through a lot of "dirt" in my life . . . who hasn't? . . . but, that doesn't mean that life can't still be beautiful. Perhaps it can be even more beautiful because it's more appreciated?

Last Saturday was a moment in my life. A really good moment. A moment I wished at the time that Mom had been there for only to realize later that she was indeed there and indeed aware of me. Last Saturday I met my younger sister and her twin brother for the first time ever. I've only know about them for 8-ish years . . . they've only known about me for a few weeks to a few months. The story behind this is really complicated and private and not really my story to tell, but I feel so blessed to have met them. I don't know what role we will play in each others' lives, but the experience of getting to know them and meet them has been really good for me and I don't think the timing was just chance.