To the mama

I think of the emails we used to send each other or the notes we'd write late at night for the other to discover in the morning. I think of the extra long voicemails you'd leave that would make me frustrated beyond belief. I think of the cute notes you'd put in my lunches in elementary school and the way you would cut my sandwiches into triangles because I thought it was "cool." But mostly I think of how grateful I am to know where you are and to know I will see you again someday. If someone were to ask me what I miss the most about you I'd have to say your voice. I truly miss talking to you and hearing your voice and your laugh.

I'm sorry that I haven't been doing everything I should lately. I've gotten a little sidetracked and I hate it. I want to be better, but it's so hard to get back on track once I've gotten off.

Sometimes I feel like I can see you in my mind. I don't know if it's wishful thinking or a gift of comfort. It's not like I can see what you are doing, but I can see you are happy and I love that. I had a similar feeling when I heard that Uncle Dan had passed away. I hope you guys have gotten to hang out and maybe you're "showing him the ropes" too. For some reason that idea really comforts me. The human part of me really wishes you were here, but I know you are happier there and doing great things.

Lots of great things have been happening lately. I hope you know that. I'm sure you do because I'm sure that some of them were your "fault" - or that you helped bring them about. I love you and miss you.