These days (as in, the last 4 months...), it's difficult for me to miss one parent without missing the other. So even though it's Father's Day, I find myself missing them both very much... and even Pepper. I don't think many people think about what it's like. For the most part, I've been okay these last months, but there is always this ache deep in my heart that just doesn't leave. It set up residence over 3 years ago and hasn't left.
While I am very comforted by the knowledge the gospel brings, and even by the idea of my parents watching over me together, none of that replaces having them here with me - even when they hated each other. Hindsight says I'd take that over having them both gone even as stressful as it was. But at the same time, I wouldn't trade anything that has happened in the intervening years. I guess that's the tender mercy of it all.
The four of us (me, dad, mom and pepper) were a unit for a long time. Things changed a little bit (understatement of the century) after the divorce, but there was always this unit and now I'm extremely jealous that they are all together again (yes, I believe that Pepper is there too).
I miss talking to Daddy on the phone every day. That was a huge part of my life for the better part of 9 years. I remember when I moved with him and Marcie to Texas that I missed those daily phone conversations even though I saw him every day. How silly is that? When I told him that, he called me on his way to an appointment the next day. And when I decided to move back home, I was so happy to get that back. It was so fun to talk to him every day. He always made me laugh. And we didn't have to talk about anything important either.
And even all these years later I miss movie marathons with Mom. We'd go to the library or redbox and pick up a pile of movies and just sit and watch them on the bed all night. Watching movies by myself just isn't the same. :)
Pepper. Her quiet, comforting presence was the best. The way she'd lay pressed right up against me and whimper in her sleep or the way she'd softly paw my face in the morning when she needed to go out.
I love you guys!
5. Brave
6. Happy
(yes, some of these are cheesy... especially #1...)
I love when you blog. You are so strong. And I love that part about him calling on his way to the appointment.
ReplyDelete